Miracle Technology Found, Solves All World’s Problems

Scientists Discover Wonder Element

It was announced late last night by a Swedish research team that a new wonder element has been discovered. The team says that this element, Unbelievium, can be used to generate large amounts of pollution-free energy, with it’s resulting by products being easily used to create carbon fiber, desalinated clean water, and hydrogen (which can be used again in fuel cells for more energy). It can be easily created by a combination of nearly anything and sea water, including most waste products – from carbon dioxide pulled from the atmosphere to random trash or nuclear waste.

Government’s around the world rejoiced, especially after the Nuclear disaster in Japan bringing to light the face that nuclear energy is not a safe or feasible source of energy. President Obama held a short press conference shortly there after saying that new power plants could be built easily and inexpensively. He went on further, saying,

“This breakthrough in technology presents a great opportunity for the world’s economy to continue to grow and bring prosperity to all. Swedish researchers have graciously agreed to release all their research data to the free peoples of the world. This new technology should be easily implemented and readily available to produce 100% of our energy within 10 years.”

Swedish researches say that this technology goes against all we thought we knew about thermodynamics. The first and second laws, which are generally present in everything we do and limit our ability to grow continually on a finite planet, seem to no longer apply to the process that creates Unbelievium. Some medical researchers in the US have even said that this element might even be used to treat some diseases, potentially extending life spans. Food technologists (yes, it’s a real job) working alongside the Swedish researchers say that this new element can condense nutritional aspects of food and even aid in the growing of our food too!

Further, it’s thought that Unbelievium can be used to turn just about anything into raw elements. The example given by researchers was “turning piles of dirty diapers into iron, through a fairly low-energy process using Unbelievium as a catalyst.”

Turns out, a finite planet can support an ever increasing material throughput –  we just needed to wait for technology to save us after all! Well, guess that’s it for this blog, I’ll have to go get a job as a stock broker or something. 😉

(Happy April Fools Day!)

Image Credit: Flickr Creative Commons.

Obama Announces Degrowth, Wins Republican Support

President Obama Speaks On Health Care In Portland, Maine
"We Must Forge A Sustainable Nation For All"

In a surprising turn of events, President Barack Obama announced in a press conference today that economic growth could no longer continue as we know it. As a prominent New York magazine quoted, “the press room went silent and after a tension-filled moment, erupted in applause!”

As numerous environmental groups, ecological economists, and people with common sense have been trying for decades to gain political ground on the issue, a left-field bipartisan bill was drafted late last night and rushed through both the House and Senate. News of the conflict between growing the economy and maintaining an environment that can sustain human life was a shock to many in congress. However, conscience and prudence won the day, prompting late-night legislative sessions.

Tomorrow President Obama will sign into law the American Development and Reorientation Act, a comprehensive bill that will overhaul the financial sector, incorporate well-being into national accounts, end fossil fuel subsidies, tax pollution, cap greenhouse gas emissions, remove rights of person-hood from corporations, and provide minimum incomes and cap gaps in wealth – all to provide a more stable and just economic system that focuses on developing our society instead of expanding the size of our economy.

As the President said during the conference,

“By recommitting ourselves to the founding ideals of this great nation, focusing on our possibilities and liberating ourselves from failed ideas and institutions, together we can create a stronger, better nation that secures a fulfilling life for every person and honors the premise of the Declaration of Independence that every individual is endowed with an unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

This amazing turn-about in public policy not only represents the needs of the America people, but ensures a long, prosperous future for our society on this planet. This will go down in history as the first major (gigantic) step towards a sustainable world for all! Well done, Mr President!

**Happy April 1st everyone!**